When I look back at photos of my 16th birthday my face is red from tears. I would go home from school with people shouting at me, throwing things at me; the moment I made it through the front door I couldn’t hold the tears back. When people call you mean names enough times you start to believe it, and that’s exactly what I did. I started to think that maybe they were right? Why would so many people call me ugly if I wasn’t?
Don’t ever f****** bullyFebruary 25, 2012
Hello my lovely bloggers, as promised I have a different kind of blog post today. For those that read my blog regularly you will know I usually focus on fashion and beauty related posts. When I started this blog I wanted it to be somewhere for me to express my thoughts of anything and maybe even everything, yes I’m a beauty and fashion blogger but there’s more to me and even my blog than that.
Before I started my blog I was really apprehensive due to the mean comments I’ve seen on other people blogs, the idea of writing a blog meant really putting myself out there for the world to read. However I’m glad I took the plunge, I’ve been greeted by nothing but lovely people with nothing but positive things to say.
Today I share a sort of secret with you something I’m usually to ashamed to admit… as school i was bullied.
People can be mean, and not in the funny mean girls movie kind of way. I never really fitted in at school, I think I enjoyed learning far too much, I was never what people would consider pretty, the boys never asked me out and I was shy for a very long time. People took advantage of the fact I wouldn’t speak up, I was an easy target for girls and boys that needed to show off in front of their friends. Every time I moved up a year and into a new school I used to tell myself that things would change, I would get a new hair cut, new school shoes and I would fit in I would be cool. If I’m going to be honest (and this blog post is nothing but honest) things only got worse… people didn’t mature as we got older they simply got meaner and insults become more ‘witty’.
My friends never seemed to notice, or maybe some chose to ignore it? (Some on the other hand where close to fantastic). At school I really felt alone. Bullies pick at everything, nothing you do is ever good enough, and one of the main things I have learnt is don’t even bother trying…. bullies will always find something to pick on, cruelty is embedded in them. Harsh, but in my experience true.
At school I was bullied for my hair, the way I spoke and the fact I was apparently a ‘boff’. Originally I wasn’t planning on saying why I feel I got bullied or the ‘trigger’ as I suppose you could say but the more I think about it the more I can’t help but think why not? What’s the worst that can happen… I’m not longer at school after all. And should I really worry about protecting those that never did the same for me?
When I moved to secondary school I had a best friend, she had always dreamt of popularity… something I had never even thought of at that point. I think she soon learnt that I simply wasn’t cool enough to hang around with the crowd she longed to be friends with, I was shocked at the talk of drugs and sex… after all I was 13! Soon she started to say mean comments, spread rumours and genuinely not be very nice. It felt like some sort of initiation test for her.
At one of the worst times I have had groups of girls screaming abuse outside of my house, had my hair pulled, been spat on and made to feel worthless. I now know that this is however not true… I am worth something.
School was a miserably time for me, I couldn’t tell you how many times I went home crying.
It took me a long time to begin to realise that most of what they said had no truth to it what’s so ever, I’m not stupid I have 12 GCSE’S, 5 A levels and hopefully soon to have a honours degree. And so what if I was stupid, did this give people a right to be mean? No! Because if you want my opinion (I’m going to give it anyway) those that feel the need to say mean things are the ones that are stupid.
I don’t want this post to be overly miserable, and it’s not something I’m writing for attention or even for sympathy. The main moral of my story is that it genuinely does get better. If anyone is reading this that is being bullied my message to you is “I can almost be certain that what they are saying are lies, that most people don’t agree with what they are saying but are too scared to speak up. YOU are better than them, those that bully are not worth your time. And if it makes you feel better most of the people that bullied me have so far succeeded nothing with their lives.”
In 2012 I am happy, I still wake up and think thank god there’s no school anymore and thank god I survived… because school can be hell sometimes.
Back onto the conversation of bloggingblogging community.
You might wonder why I posted this post and to be honest I suppose it’s therapeutic.